We see it in the media, we read it in the papers and view it in theaters - today's teens feel ENTITLED. So, how did we get here? How did we get to this place where we as parents feel guilt and shame when our kids are denied something. I believe it is more a reflection upon us than upon them. It's time to examine what drives this insecurity in us, and consequently this entitled generation.
I remember the first time I used my own hard earned money to buy a pair of pants. I spent $20, back then, and in 1979 that was a lot of money, I guess. At least my mother said so! "Too much money!", She said. My mom was a thrifty shopper. More to the point,she was a thrift store shopper! She was very well dressed, always looking fashionable, but she spent hours scouring the racks at the Goodwill for the brand labels and best selections. While that was fine for her, I found it demeaning and senseless and I wasn't going to be one of "those" types of moms! Besides, nobody was going to tell me how to spend my money or make me feel cheap. I grew up in a middle class, well-provided-for family. We didn't want for anything, but my mom was frugal and she was trying to teach me to be that way too. By the time I bought those pants,though, it was probably too late to teach me anything about money. I was already 16 years old and I knew everything, as 16 year olds do! Besides, I felt entitled to have NEW pants, not used ones.
That experience was the beginning of a 6 year spending spree for me that later included maxing out a department store credit card, where I shopped with every dollar I made, saved nothing at all, and knew nothing of a savings plan. I lived paycheck to paycheck. I bounced 12 checks when I was 18 years old because I never learned how to balance that checking account I had opened. At $25 per check, that was a very expensive mistake! My dad helped teach me how to balance the book (no internet banking back then), and I think we talked the bank into reversing half the charges, but it still hurt! Somehow the lessons I should have been entering into adulthood with, were lost, and though I can't remember ever needing money as a young child, earning and financial responsibility were not a part of my early childhood. We lived simply, there were no I-pods or cell phones, designer cars or designer shoes.
By the time I was well into my twenties, making good money and living on my own, I still had not learned to save. And then one suddenly, without warning, my rainy day came. I was stricken with a life threatening bacterial illness that caused me to be hospitalized and disabled for many weeks, ultimately losing my job, and although I had health insurance through my employer, I had thousands of dollars in co-payments and hospital bills that drowned me financially. I carried that debt with me into marriage when I was 23, and it took years to recover from. If my simple childhood upbringing led to fiscal irresponsibility, how much more would a generation of kids today fall into far greater demise. At least when I made my mistakes, it was my money I had squandered. Whose money are your kids spending?
This brings me back to my previous chapter, "Get A Job!" . I suppose it really should be called, "Get A Job - And Learn How to Manage The Money Responsibly". Until our kids learn to save for that rainy day, prepare for the bills to come, and to live within their means, then all the money in the world will not make them successful adults. They will spend their lives digging themselves out of debt and poor decisions. It all starts with them earning their OWN money, then owning the choices that go into how that money is allocated and spent.
Help your young children come up with a plan of how to manage that $5 they earned doing chores this week, and break it into tangible categories such as "save", "give", "invest" and "budget". If your child is 7 years old, it might look like this:
$1 - Save (this savings account may be long term with a goal of purchasing something in the future like a new video game or a skate board or whatever your child enjoys).
$1 -Invest (maybe they have you keep it safe and you add interest to it) . It is a good life lesson for your child to experience an untouchable savings account called an investment, that grows over time.
$.50 - Give (Charity or church)
$2.50 Budget (This pot of money is to be used for the things they may want when you go to the store together, or for that popcorn they want to buy the next time the family goes to the movies...weekly expenses as they come). Maybe part of this should be saved for a short term goal such as souvenirs they are going to want to buy at your end of summer family vacation.
This is merely an example. Your child's money management may look different depending on their age and their life style.When your child is in high school, and working a part time job, perhaps, this is a good time for you to have the discussion with them about their fiscal choices. There are things important to your teen that won't be important to you. They will begin to learn a critical life lesson between a "need" and a "want." Funny how when it's their earned money, and not yours, that they begin to consider this concept more carefully than before. For instance, when it's their $75 that will have to buy that much desired senior year book, your child will spend more time thinking about whether or not she truly needs one.
When your child has a vested interest in a purchase, whether that yearbook, or their first car, or even their college education, they will look after it, care for it, protect it, clean it, and appreciate it much more than if they didn't have to work toward obtaining it. They will have ownership IN it and therefore take responsibility for it.
Make a choice to stop the hand outs today. Nobody is entitled.
And just in case you're wondering? Yes, I am now one of "those moms"!
